Happy end of a decade.

I couldn't stop complaining to my mother about how irritating are these sanitary napkins and how badly I wanted to switch to something sustainable. I didn't know where to look for and whom to ask as in the years 2011-12, it was not very common to have a smartphone connected to limitless internet. 

The very first women were my mother and grandmother whom I went for advice. My mother motivated me for adopting a sustainable option, but as cloth had several disadvantages she did not straight away and suggested I not go with them. However, my grandmother who was a working lady then shared her experiences of how her entire saree used to get drenched with menstrual blood when she traveled back home to the office in a cycle rickshaw. She exclaimed, "You girls are lucky that you have sanitary napkins"! I was a little demotivated to use the cotton cloth again after listening to the scary story of a blood-drenched saree, imagining my Wednesday's white school dress will actually end up a "red house" dress. I was annoyed by the idea of wearing a synthetic napkin, which the producing companies claimed to be super skin and odor friendly. Another more important reason for being desperate to change sanitary napkins was the guilt of consciously contributing to the increasing solid waste in a city where there is absolutely no mechanism for managing sanitary waste. 

Collecting all my thoughts I decided to google, "DIY period pads". After turning pages one by one, I found the most suitable one with the basic requirements was a micro-fiber cloth and then all you have to cut according to the required size and stitch it by yourself. This sounded like a plan!

The next minute I kick-started my TVS Scooty, and went to Itwari (wholesale market in Nagpur) looking for microfiber cloth. I still remember that it took me around 4-5 hours to search for the exact cloth I needed. After a long exhausting search through the old twists and turns in the Itwari Bazaar, I decided to give up on the search. However, I had gotten a hint from one shopkeeper that the microfibers I am referring to look like the kitchen top cleaning cloths and that I must search once in the mall too.

The other day, I went to Big Bazaar, and in an hour's time, I could find the "red and blue" colored micro-fibers (pack of three) that cost 90 rupees! I cannot express the happiness I experienced at that moment. It was going to be a happy period indeed from this month, I dreamt! Luckily, the length of those soft,  microfibers was exactly what I needed for myself. So, instead of wasting my time cutting and stitching, I just thought of using it naively. 

Soon after a couple of weeks, the testing time arrived. I was excited as well as nervous. It was a school holiday, so it was going to be a little comfortable for me to test. I took a deep breath and wore my own napkin for the first time. The entire day went well, without leaks and it was gentle on my regions. However, I realized just one cloth won't help me in my heavy flow days (2,3, and 4 days). So, I decided to use two microfibers, to fold it and fit exactly in the size that I wanted. That period was the best period of my life! 

Later when I moved to Pune in 2015 (for my Post-graduation in Wildlife Conservation Action), I was initially very introverted about periods but, later when I observed that 10 out 5 girls are facing a similar issue in my hostel. So, I tried to be vocal about the problem and motivated them to switch to cloth pads (stitched cloths available in the market) or microfibers. Other than this, being in a girl's hostel, I was always supported to sun dry my microfibers and to use as much space as I wish to. So, honestly, it was very relaxing for me mentally to become comfortable with my microfibers. 

The actual problem started when I moved to the Andaman Islands (as a Researcher in the Edible-nest Swiftlet conservation program of SACON). Initially, I felt a little skeptical about will I be able to continuously use napkins during fieldwork or will have to switch to napkins again. Staying in camps inside deep forests, and caving during heavy flow days became challenging month by month. Napkins were never an option for me, but sometimes I had to take a tough call. Women in Andaman (interior areas), usually either wash the napkins and flush them in their toilets or wash the napkins and conceal them in mangrove soils (usually clayey or mud).  Imagining the amount of pollution we women contribute to, I took the decision not to go for fieldwork during periods. That superficially solved two problems; one is that I get to do some desk work during those days and second I get an escape from taking the "so-called tough call". But, then the critical question is when all the researchers in your team are females', will your employer consider 15 days of compromise? Obviously not! so, then the dilemma had to continue. 

Continuous fieldwork in caves did not allow me to use micro-fibers resulting in a compromising situation of using sanitary napkins. It was again very irritating and annoying when you are covered in mud and guano (bat & bird droppings) and you have to go and change. I cannot express the discomfort in mere words of how difficult the situations were for me and my female colleagues. Moreover, even if I dared to use microfibers, I could never find a suitable place to wash and dry the microfibers, or mostly the right place was just in the courtyard of our field assistant's house, where I just dreamt of drying my microfibers.

After the Andaman fieldwork, I was exhausted and also found myself in a dilemma again. What should I do now? I just cannot end up making compromises.

After 2 long years of self-contemplation and reading trying harder to switch to a menstrual cup, I ended up failing at least 20 times! Spent money on buying cups of various sizes of different brands, trying different folds, and simply trying everything which could get me closer to using a cup.

After a long wait, a miraculous day came into my life when my attention was caught by a beginner-size cup in a local medical shop in Coimbatore. The very next moment, without even wasting a minute I bought the cup. Buying the cup in a local shop was again a different battle in itself.  At least 5 men turned around and looked at me when I asked the sales boy to pass me a "Pee-Safe's- Xtra small size" menstrual cup. I was not surprised to see each one of their reaction. After all, we ladies are used to getting such reactions from men when we ask for a condom, a pregnancy test kit, a vaginal wash, or a sanitary napkin! That judgmental look is always mandatory.

On the way back home, I kept on telling myself that I will rather donate all my cups (after sterilizing) if this cup doesn't work. But, my heart kept on praying this time and wish that the dilemma of napkins versus microfibers ends forever.  The wish was granted and after multiple tries, my first period with the cup went all well putting a "." on my dilemma. 

Exactly a decade ago, I decided to stop using sanitary napkins and switch to something sustainable. This decade was not just a journey of trying but, also of self-contemplation and of self-worthiness. Understanding what my body actually needed, instead of pushing society's choices on me. Finally, now it gives me the satisfaction of feeling how manageable have my periods become at home, at work, and also inside caves!!

Cheers to choices and to womanhood!